How to Handle Situations You Can’t Control

Recently, my oldest son, Dante, turned 21.

At 5 am on a Friday, he texted me saying that he had left Savannah. We had planned for him to come home, renew his driver’s license, and have a nice dinner with us. I worked late on Thursday so I could have the morning to go buy him a special present, clean the house, and be ready for a nice celebration.

I felt relaxed and accomplished. On top of regular work, I finished all of the requirements for two of my coaching certifications, rehearsed for our tour, and tended to Blais (who was not feeling well).

At 7 am, my phone pinged. Dante was in a small car accident in Atlanta. No one was hurt, thank goodness, but his car was totaled. Dante and his friend were stranded on the small shoulder in the fast lane of a busy interstate. I got ready in seconds, picked up Blais’ car (which was at the mechanic’s) and drove south.

Recently, my oldest son, Dante, turned 21.

At 5 am on a Friday, he texted me saying that he had left Savannah. We had planned for him to come home, renew his driver’s license, and have a nice dinner with us. I worked late on Thursday so I could have the morning to go buy him a special present, clean the house, and be ready for a nice celebration.

I felt relaxed and accomplished. On top of regular work, I finished all of the requirements for two of my coaching certifications, rehearsed for our tour, and tended to Blais (who was not feeling well).

At 7 am, my phone pinged. Dante was in a small car accident in Atlanta. No one was hurt, thank goodness, but his car was totaled. Dante and his friend were stranded on the small shoulder in the fast lane of a busy interstate. I got ready in seconds, picked up Blais’ car (which was at the mechanic’s) and drove south.

How do you handle situations you can’t control?

Here is what I did:

Stay calm. Do whatever helps you to keep calm. Panic feeds fear, which creates more panic. Panic makes your breath shallow, you don’t get enough oxygen in your blood, you become more anxious, and can’t think clearly. So.. take deep breaths, pray, meditate, do mindfulness exercises, whatever it is – stay calm. Bonus tip: use those tools during stressful times, because they work like a muscle. You’ll build the ability to stay calm, and when a stressful situation arises, your brain will remember what to do.
Call friends. Even though you are the only one on the planet who can authorize different actions, your friends are resourceful and ready to help. Forget about ‘I don’t want to bother you.’ Get straight to the point and ask them to do specific tasks. (I called my friend who lives in Atlanta and asked her if she could pick up Dante and his friend and take them somewhere safe.)
Take care of the next step only. And then the next step. And then the next. When something unexpected happens, there are so many unknowns. Don’t try to solve what’s five steps from now, because things may change by step three. Just take care of one thing at a time.
Let the thoughts pass. When thoughts like “If I only checked the tires on his car,” come, let them pass. Should have’s and could have’s are neither helpful nor productive. They only bring in more anxiety and grief. Simply don’t go there. Stay in the present moment. Let go of the past, and look for ‘now’ solutions.
Let it out. When you get to a safe place, and when all that is possible to do is done, release your stress, anxiety, worry, fear, sadness, ache, pain. Cry or yell, but don’t hold it in. It’s important you let go of it.

When we got home, I took Dante and his friend to a really nice dinner. We celebrated (almost) as planned, staying in the present, and enjoying each other’s company.

Our exhaustion made us more susceptible to laughter, so even silly things became belly-laugh triggers, which was exactly what we all needed at the end of a very, very stressful day. (Who knew having an accident 250 miles away from home would be so complicated!)

I hope these tips are helpful to you. You can even apply them to something simple, like making pasta carbonara for friends who are all gathered in your kitchen, and realizing your roommate has eaten all the eggs LOL…

How do you handle situations you can’t control?

Here is what I did:

Stay calm. Do whatever helps you to keep calm. Panic feeds fear, which creates more panic. Panic makes your breath shallow, you don’t get enough oxygen in your blood, you become more anxious, and can’t think clearly. So.. take deep breaths, pray, meditate, do mindfulness exercises, whatever it is – stay calm. Bonus tip: use those tools during stressful times, because they work like a muscle. You’ll build the ability to stay calm, and when a stressful situation arises, your brain will remember what to do.
Call friends. Even though you are the only one on the planet who can authorize different actions, your friends are resourceful and ready to help. Forget about ‘I don’t want to bother you.’ Get straight to the point and ask them to do specific tasks. (I called my friend who lives in Atlanta and asked her if she could pick up Dante and his friend and take them somewhere safe.)
Take care of the next step only. And then the next step. And then the next. When something unexpected happens, there are so many unknowns. Don’t try to solve what’s five steps from now, because things may change by step three. Just take care of one thing at a time.
Let the thoughts pass. When thoughts like “If I only checked the tires on his car,” come, let them pass. Should have’s and could have’s are neither helpful nor productive. They only bring in more anxiety and grief. Simply don’t go there. Stay in the present moment. Let go of the past, and look for ‘now’ solutions.
Let it out. When you get to a safe place, and when all that is possible to do is done, release your stress, anxiety, worry, fear, sadness, ache, pain. Cry or yell, but don’t hold it in. It’s important you let go of it.

When we got home, I took Dante and his friend to a really nice dinner. We celebrated (almost) as planned, staying in the present, and enjoying each other’s company.

Our exhaustion made us more susceptible to laughter, so even silly things became belly-laugh triggers, which was exactly what we all needed at the end of a very, very stressful day. (Who knew having an accident 250 miles away from home would be so complicated!)

I hope these tips are helpful to you. You can even apply them to something simple, like making pasta carbonara for friends who are all gathered in your kitchen, and realizing your roommate has eaten all the eggs LOL…

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Remember this graduation present for Dante? Click here for the full song.

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