It All Starts With Awareness

I was recently doing a presentation on Emotional Freedom to a group of life coaches in training. I explained seven biological emotional responses, conscious communication, and emotional clearing.

Everyone was very engaged and interested because, well, we all desire to be happy. We can all use tools that help us communicate our emotional needs and experience less stress and more joy and peace.

It all starts with awareness: learning to recognize our emotional needs, observing our emotional reactions (and what triggers them), and changing the patterns that keep us stuck in grief, fear, and emotional pain.

It also requires processing our emotions completely, so that no toxic residue is left in our bodies causing all kinds of discomfort (yes, emotions have to be digested just like food).

I gave several examples and we worked through them. Easy-peasy. I felt so good after the class.

Then my fridge broke.

My three-year-old fridge that’s still under extended warranty just stopped cooling. I spent two hours on hold TWICE, waiting for the customer service to respond to me and to send a technician over to fix my fridge.

I had just gone out and filled it with groceries because all three of my sons are home for a week!

I was recently doing a presentation on Emotional Freedom to a group of life coaches in training. I explained seven biological emotional responses, conscious communication, and emotional clearing.

Everyone was very engaged and interested because, well, we all desire to be happy. We can all use tools that help us communicate our emotional needs and experience less stress and more joy and peace.

It all starts with awareness: learning to recognize our emotional needs, observing our emotional reactions (and what triggers them), and changing the patterns that keep us stuck in grief, fear, and emotional pain.

It also requires processing our emotions completely, so that no toxic residue is left in our bodies causing all kinds of discomfort (yes, emotions have to be digested just like food).

I gave several examples and we worked through them. Easy-peasy. I felt so good after the class.

Then my fridge broke.

My three-year-old fridge that’s still under extended warranty just stopped cooling. I spent two hours on hold TWICE, waiting for the customer service to respond to me and to send a technician over to fix my fridge.

I had just gone out and filled it with groceries because all three of my sons are home for a week!

I used all my coaching tools to stay calm when the rep kept reading their responses from a script, not at all listening to what I was saying.

Five days and six phone calls later, I was told that, due to a class-action lawsuit and many customers with the same issues, the first available spot was July 6th. I felt my patience melt away.

The corporation has only one service agency contracted in my area with only one qualified technician to do the job, and because of the recall, he is booked up for weeks.

One!? I was mad now.

However, I did (calmly) find a temporary solution – stored some food in my neighbor’s fridge and bought a mini fridge for milk and breakfast foods – but I wasn’t satisfied with being left without a fridge for a month from a company that marketed their reliability and high-end quality, and the retailer that sold me that extra ‘no-hassle servicing package,’

After I had done what was in my control and still didn’t get an indication that the company actually cared about my issue, I was getting very grumpy.

I observed those circular thoughts and emotions that never produce any results and only hellishly build up inside of me.

I decided to do exactly what I taught in my presentation. I applied a process I give my coaching clients when they feel overwhelmed, angry or sad.

I used all my coaching tools to stay calm when the rep kept reading their responses from a script, not at all listening to what I was saying.

Five days and six phone calls later, I was told that, due to a class-action lawsuit and many customers with the same issues, the first available spot was July 6th. I felt my patience melt away.

The corporation has only one service agency contracted in my area with only one qualified technician to do the job, and because of the recall, he is booked up for weeks.

One!? I was mad now.

However, I did (calmly) find a temporary solution – stored some food in my neighbor’s fridge and bought a mini fridge for milk and breakfast foods – but I wasn’t satisfied with being left without a fridge for a month from a company that marketed their reliability and high-end quality, and the retailer that sold me that extra ‘no-hassle servicing package,’

After I had done what was in my control and still didn’t get an indication that the company actually cared about my issue, I was getting very grumpy.

I observed those circular thoughts and emotions that never produce any results and only hellishly build up inside of me.

I decided to do exactly what I taught in my presentation. I applied a process I give my coaching clients when they feel overwhelmed, angry or sad.

I took a breath and decided to communicate my core need to the woman on the other side of my phone line.

I knew she couldn’t fix the problem. She was there only to follow the scripted steps from the company’s customer service book, and to gather all the information needed. I imagined her feeling just as helpless as I did.

I could have let my frustration grow into anger and yell it into the phone, or

I could have kept my mouth shut with my blood boiling under the cover of politeness – steaming and risking it exploding somewhere else. That solution made me nauseous.

I learned (in my own presentation) that processing emotions completely is extremely important. It’s as important as digesting food. If it doesn’t get digested and eliminated, it becomes toxic (emotional) residue. In my case, my stomach starts hurting almost immediately.

So I decided to use the ‘conscious communication’ principle from my class.

What I was asking her at this point was not to solve my problem, but to hear me. I needed her to acknowledge me and empathize.

And the only way for me to get that was to clearly express that. I told her to pause and acknowledge my frustration.

She went off-script.

“I feel you,” she said. “I have children too and I value healthy homemade meals as well. I understand your frustration. Your frustration is completely valid. And I will do all I can do to find a solution for you.” She added compassionately.

And even though my issue wasn’t solved, I was satisfied.

Is it easy-peasy to do this? No. It sucks. I still got upset. But I didn’t hold onto the emotion and let it ruin the week with my boys.

It’s an inconvenience. I had to change my plans and let go of a few Croatian meals I so looked forward to making for my boys, but I had plenty of opportunities to practice giving up my expectations and finding joy in being flexible and open to change.

When we are willing to change our emotional reactions (using that gap between two thoughts), we open up new possibilities. We connect with each other on a human level and that connection brings us a sense that everything is all right.

So… if you are up for it, observe your emotional reactions this week.

Not your emotions, but your reactions or responses. When a strong emotion is triggered, what do you do, how do you react? What do you send back to whatever you are reacting?