Stressors and challenges in life come in many forms. As I write this, I’ve been dealing with a broken fridge for a few weeks now.
Finally a tech showed up but only to diagnose the problem. He said that the part I needed (a new compressor) would arrive a few weeks later.
Luckily (miraculously, really) the manager at the store where I bought the fridge felt so bad (I was emailing her the updates and she would always respond right away, acknowledging and hearing me), that she pulled some serious strings to do an exchange and get me a new fridge.
Halleluiah!
When I read her email, I was so moved that I teared up.
She didn’t have to do that. But for some reason, she wanted to help. And she did have the power to bypass the system, and create a solution where there didn’t seem to be one.
Stressors and challenges in life come in many forms. As I write this, I’ve been dealing with a broken fridge for a few weeks now.
Finally a tech showed up but only to diagnose the problem. He said that the part I needed (a new compressor) would arrive a few weeks later.
Luckily (miraculously, really) the manager at the store where I bought the fridge felt so bad (I was emailing her the updates and she would always respond right away, acknowledging and hearing me), that she pulled some serious strings to do an exchange and get me a new fridge.
Halleluiah!
When I read her email, I was so moved that I teared up.
She didn’t have to do that. But for some reason, she wanted to help. And she did have the power to bypass the system, and create a solution where there didn’t seem to be one.
I immediately wrote to her:
“I am very grateful for all the extra work and effort you have put into this. I know this is beyond what’s expected and I really appreciate it. We’ll make it through another five days. 🙂
There are worse things in life, but boy, this has been an annoyance. This experience also made me reflect on how dependent we are on the big systems we created. Growing up in Croatia, we had only a very small fridge. But we shopped daily at the small shops, butchers, and farmers’ stands that were all within walking distance. In the winter, we ate smoked meat and canned vegetables. We also knew our farmers and grocery store workers and would always run into a friend while shopping.
When things break (because they do), and when companies that make them become too big to meet the needs of a single human, we relate to each other and that makes all the difference. Your kindness has helped me not to give into frustration and anger but to have patience and stay cool (no pun intended ;)) Thank you!”
In the end, it’s the human connection that makes the world go around and makes life feel really beautiful.
The lack of this human connection is what makes it feel scary, horrible, and lonely.
Without human connection, we become suspicious of each other, we feel the system is out to ‘get us,’ we get angry at anyone who’s associated with the source of our frustration, we judge and pick someone to blame, disengage from people who are different from us, and even make up stories about it to justify our fears.
And with that behavior, we only create an even more disengaged and disconnected culture.
I immediately wrote to her:
“I am very grateful for all the extra work and effort you have put into this. I know this is beyond what’s expected and I really appreciate it. We’ll make it through another five days. 🙂
There are worse things in life, but boy, this has been an annoyance. This experience also made me reflect on how dependent we are on the big systems we created. Growing up in Croatia, we had only a very small fridge. But we shopped daily at the small shops, butchers, and farmers’ stands that were all within walking distance. In the winter, we ate smoked meat and canned vegetables. We also knew our farmers and grocery store workers and would always run into a friend while shopping.
When things break (because they do), and when companies that make them become too big to meet the needs of a single human, we relate to each other and that makes all the difference. Your kindness has helped me not to give into frustration and anger but to have patience and stay cool (no pun intended ;)) Thank you!”
In the end, it’s the human connection that makes the world go around and makes life feel really beautiful.
The lack of this human connection is what makes it feel scary, horrible, and lonely.
Without human connection, we become suspicious of each other, we feel the system is out to ‘get us,’ we get angry at anyone who’s associated with the source of our frustration, we judge and pick someone to blame, disengage from people who are different from us, and even make up stories about it to justify our fears.
And with that behavior, we only create an even more disengaged and disconnected culture.
When we are willing to create more human connection – in person or online – we actually have a chance to affect the big systems, one person at a time. It’s like the story of a boy who was picking up the sea stars and throwing them back into the ocean. If we all meet at the beach and pick up one star, they’d all be taken care of. It really works.
I had another similar situation that brought this to light while I was running a workshop for summer camp participants in East Nashville. Our musicians’ Union partnered up with the district that was organizing these free camps in an area that is traditionally poverty-stricken and disadvantaged.
I can’t tell you how rewarding it was to make a connection – through singing Croatian songs and teaching traditional Croatian dances! The kids were K-4th grade and they wanted to know what each word meant before they’d repeat it.
They had no idea where or what Europe was, let alone little Croatia. But they listened to me with curiosity, interest, and respect. I was so proud of them!
And some kids didn’t feel like dancing and that was ok.
There was a boy who got embarrassed when I called out to everyone to do ‘itsy bitsy spider’ motions and he couldn’t do it because he didn’t know it. The teacher pulled him out and I stopped the song so she could teach him.
This exposed the little boy even more, making him feel singled out and maybe feeling inadequate (it’s so easy to trigger a feeling of “something’s wrong with me because I’m not like everyone else”… even if it’s unintentional, right?).
The boy started tearing up and wanted to sit down, but ‘participation’ was one of the rules of the camp. I watched as the boy went into a mini anxiety attack.
I stopped the song and asked the whole class to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. A few times.
That gave the teacher a chance to help the boy calm down.
There are many moments like this one that, at a very young age, taught many of us about broken human connections. It’s scary because when we are little and unable to take care of ourselves, our survival depends on that connection.
Keep that in mind – it will help you feel compassion for others ( and yourself) when it becomes too hard to connect. Again, the only thing that can fix this IS creating a human connection.
When you think there is no way you can connect with someone else who is so different from you – or who, sitting on the other side of the phone seems less like a human and more like a bot hired by a company to read a script and funnel calls from unhappy customers – find something common you can connect on.
Don’t push your story onto others.
Listen. Try to find something in common.
When we are willing to create more human connection – in person or online – we actually have a chance to affect the big systems, one person at a time. It’s like the story of a boy who was picking up the sea stars and throwing them back into the ocean. If we all meet at the beach and pick up one star, they’d all be taken care of. It really works.
I had another similar situation that brought this to light while I was running a workshop for summer camp participants in East Nashville. Our musicians’ Union partnered up with the district that was organizing these free camps in an area that is traditionally poverty-stricken and disadvantaged.
I can’t tell you how rewarding it was to make a connection – through singing Croatian songs and teaching traditional Croatian dances! The kids were K-4th grade and they wanted to know what each word meant before they’d repeat it.
They had no idea where or what Europe was, let alone little Croatia. But they listened to me with curiosity, interest, and respect. I was so proud of them!
And some kids didn’t feel like dancing and that was ok.
There was a boy who got embarrassed when I called out to everyone to do ‘itsy bitsy spider’ motions and he couldn’t do it because he didn’t know it. The teacher pulled him out and I stopped the song so she could teach him.
This exposed the little boy even more, making him feel singled out and maybe feeling inadequate (it’s so easy to trigger a feeling of “something’s wrong with me because I’m not like everyone else”… even if it’s unintentional, right?).
The boy started tearing up and wanted to sit down, but ‘participation’ was one of the rules of the camp. I watched as the boy went into a mini anxiety attack.
I stopped the song and asked the whole class to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. A few times.
That gave the teacher a chance to help the boy calm down.
There are many moments like this one that, at a very young age, taught many of us about broken human connections. It’s scary because when we are little and unable to take care of ourselves, our survival depends on that connection.
Keep that in mind – it will help you feel compassion for others ( and yourself) when it becomes too hard to connect. Again, the only thing that can fix this IS creating a human connection.
When you think there is no way you can connect with someone else who is so different from you – or who, sitting on the other side of the phone seems less like a human and more like a bot hired by a company to read a script and funnel calls from unhappy customers – find something common you can connect on.
Don’t push your story onto others.
Listen. Try to find something in common.
After the kids sang and danced and their energy needed to be grounded, I sang them a Croatian song about a fisherman. It’s a slow song and I knew the kids wouldn’t have the patience to listen to it without understanding a word…
So I asked them if they liked fishing and asked them to imagine themselves fishing. Or to imagine just sitting by the river and looking at the little fish making bubbles on the surface. Or if they couldn’t remember being by the river, to think about the sky and the clouds (while I sing a song that sounds slow and long like fishing, or like clouds moving across the sky).
Just finding something everyone could relate to made all the difference.
Choose to connect through kindness, acceptance, compassion, and care. Through this, you’ll create solutions where there seem to be none (or seem to be overwhelming, frustrating, and even fear-producing).
After the kids sang and danced and their energy needed to be grounded, I sang them a Croatian song about a fisherman. It’s a slow song and I knew the kids wouldn’t have the patience to listen to it without understanding a word…
So I asked them if they liked fishing and asked them to imagine themselves fishing. Or to imagine just sitting by the river and looking at the little fish making bubbles on the surface. Or if they couldn’t remember being by the river, to think about the sky and the clouds (while I sing a song that sounds slow and long like fishing, or like clouds moving across the sky).
Just finding something everyone could relate to made all the difference.
Choose to connect through kindness, acceptance, compassion, and care. Through this, you’ll create solutions where there seem to be none (or seem to be overwhelming, frustrating, and even fear-producing).
Music
Here is the fishing song:
(You don’t have to understand the words… just listen and let your heart connect)
Here is the fishing song:
(You don’t have to understand the words… just listen and let your heart connect)
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Let music+story+coaching help you figure out
AND live your dream life.
Get weekly emails, exclusive content. special offers and
event updates directly to your inbox.